The Final Countdown

Its sad writing the last blog entry for my first uni-directional holiday. This is the only trip I’ve done whereby I didn’t have to loop back between cities like London or Paris but always managed to move onto a unique city. Its not always possible to do this because of the various connections but I figured out a way. In an effort to slow things down towards the end of my holiday I planned 5 days in Paris, one of my favorite cities in the world and it was great being in 1 place for a while and not having to worry about packing and leaving anytime soon.

This is my 3^rd visit to Paris and probably the best out of all of them. It was a fair ride on the train from the Pyrenees, 3 hours in the train connecting to Bordeaux, and then another 3.5 hours on the TGV to Paris and if I wasn’t good at Geography and maths the journey would’ve been 9 hours as I could figure out a better combination than the rail Europe algorithm. In Bordeaux I’m positive the woman standing next to me at the station wanted me to chat her up cos she was staring at me and dropped her phone but I didn’t pick up. Unfortunately I didn’t think to learn any French pick-up lines so this is something to work on for next time. The goal for Paris was to do things I hadn’t managed on previous trips or to do some of the same things but at different times of the day. After re-orientating myself, I decided to head back to the scene of a life changing coffee experience on my first trip here. There was a small Italian restaurant just off the Champs- Elysees that Allan and I went to on our fateful trip here many years ago that I always wanted to re-visit. So I went back to relive the experience and found that everything was awful, the food and the coffee so I can strike this place off my list forever.

I kicked off my first day here with coffee with my sisters who had made the journey over from Paris for a quick getaway. It was nice sitting in a café on Ile Saint-Louis with all the French locals and listening to the conversations and music on offer and seeing some familiar faces. The problem with Paris nowadays is that the rest of the world has caught up and overtaken it in terms of café culture and these kind of experiences are hard to replicate. Café’s have opened up everywhere in the western world and introduced terrace seating and become meeting points for people. This means that the experience in Paris isn’t as special as it once was because you’re doing it in your own country and can hence compare. Basically French café’s are now crap in comparison to anywhere else in the western world, the coffee is awful, service not great and they don’t offer a great variety of food compared to what you’d get in Australia and other places. The food they do offer is generally average and overpriced. You basically pay for your seat and the experience of being in a French café, which could very well be filled with American and British tourists but if you find one with locals in it than its still worth it because the French accent is something we hear little of in Australia.

This time I allocated a fair portion of time to see the Louvre. I had visited it previously on my first trip but it was a rushed trip and I only remember seeing the Mona Lisa. I would have to say the museum is much better set-up nowadays. Paris in general is much more tourist friendly than it once was with multi-lingual signs and bi-lingual staff in all the key points and people much more willing to speak English. However the museum itself was easier to get around, there were signs, maps and staff everywhere directing people instead of getting grumpy when they didn’t speak French, which was the case many years ago. I really liked Napoleons apartments; there were so many nice things in there including a pig! As well as the wedding at Cana, the huge painting opposite the Mona Lisa most people miss. One does get art overload in this place and eventually has to leave but doing so isn’t as easy as one thinks. I got caught in a loop and eventually this staff member stops me and directs me to the exit saying, “Its to your left, next to the pickpocket.” I couldn’t believe he would know who the pickpocket was and so I asked, “Really you know where the pickpockets are?” He says, “Yes he’s right next to the exit and he’s taking things so watch your stuff as you go past.” One wonders why they don’t arrest him!

I visited the big 3 department stores which are great for seeing all kinds of things you can’t afford but also to see just how immacatuely dressed the staff are. They simply look stunning. If one was to ask for their help you would definitely leave with more things then you wanted! I also climbed the Eiffel tower by stairs and not just because this was what they did in the opening season of the Amazing Race, although this was at the back of my mind. Some of the lifts were broken meaning the queues were huge to get up the tower but if one took the stairs it was possible to beat these queues and save time and money. I’ve heard since the queues were as long as 4 hours – I did it all in about an hour! As Allan always says, “I love stairs and my face lights up when I see them.” I must climb stairs. It was great to get a different perspective in climbing the tower and it was very satisfying to reach the top. I also went up the Arc de Triumph at sunset to see stunning views along with hundreds of other people but it was well worth it. The lift was broken there as well but I was happy enough with the stairs.

Paris Underground station

I also did a bike tour of the city with this tour company that was run by young Americans and Aussie’s that kept using the words “awesome” and “we’ll set it up” with unbridled enthusiasm and who couldn’t pronounce any French words properly despite living in the city. My tour group was run by this Australia guy, a Carlton supporter, who once again proved that it doesn’t matter where Aussie’s are in the world your mood is always determined by how well your football team is going. He was very sad. We had a brief chat on where it all went wrong for Carlton but there were no answers as other teams can still win with injuries so why can’t Carlton? There were all kinds of people on this tour and everyone was very well educated pointing out the tour guides historical errors. Many of the facts he recited were straight out of the wikipedia entries which people need to avoid now because we’re all reading them and its becoming obvious. The tour was very enjoyable, with a welcome lunch break in the jardin des tuilleries. The real highlight was when this group of Americans on the tour approached this British guy and asked him to speak with their American accent so he could know what they sound like to other people. This group of people couldn’t figure out why everybody spoke to them in English even when they tried to use the local language. So the British guy did it and the Americans did his accent and it was all very funny. I inquired as to what they were doing in their interactions so I could assist and it turned out they were using the wrong words for things however despite my corrections this probably won’t help them because they were all wearing Texas university t-shirts! The only down sides of the tour were when everybody complained about the Paris metro being hard to use and that Paris is public toilet challenged. Nothing could be further from the truth. The metro is very easy to use, all you need to do is plan your route before you get on and consider various combinations keeping changes to a minimum. Paris is in fact one of the most public toilet friendly cities in the entire world. There are McDonalds and Quick (a Belgian burger chain) everywhere that have free toilets open to the public. There are toilets at all tourist attractions, cleaned regularly. All the department stores have beautiful clean toilets for free. There are public toilets every 100 meters or so on the main streets, signs to toilets and if that doesn’t work you can always buy a coffee and use one.

A real highlight of this trip was Versailles. I’ve never been before and so I set aside to day to do this trip and it was well worth it. The place is just a buzz, even the trip over is exciting. Its all just tourists that make the journey but its like a pilgrimage as you all catch the train together and then walk to the palace which is huge. It instantly grabs you. I didn’t pre-purchase a ticket here, I’d learnt by this point and managed to get one easily by just turning up and getting it at the ticket office opposite the station. Everything about this place is an indulgence. I can see why there was a French revolution when the people were starving! It sent the country into debt but I’m sure they’ve made their money back since on entry fees! The gardens are immacatuely kept and beautiful presently. There are fountains and all sorts of other things adorning them. The palace is magical; the hall of mirrors marvelous and the furniture, artwork, windows, statues and everything in them is completely over the top. They even have free wifi which is something Marie Antoinette never enjoyed!

Hall of Mirrors.

Another highlight was les invalids, a French war museum detailing all wars since 1871. The displays on world wars I and II were fantastic. I love the European perspective on these wars. I hate reading any literature that comes from Australia on these wars because its always biased and centered on how Australia was more integral than it really was. When one see’s the small display on the Black Sea campaign (i.e. Gallipoli) it should be noted that the British lost 150000 troops and the French 30 000, the campaign a failure there is no mention of Australia being integral. The Aussie’s are good fighters but our war efforts were not as significant as other countries as we didn’t have the numbers. My hotel on this visit was fantastic and in the perfect location near the louvre. The staff friendly and helpful and appreciative of my bad French because many of them couldn’t speak English. In fact when I left the woman at reception walked me down to the bus stop, chatted whilst we waited and then flagged down the bus and sent me on my way – now that’s what I call service! I also checked out some sites used in the film Before Sunset, one of my favorite romance films of all time. The Shakespeare & Co bookshop was easily the best of these. A famous English bookshop in Paris it was packed with tourists but has books dating back a very long time. It has everything from the Hardy Boys to Chesterton and all in this very tiny space so you are constantly bumping into people standing there reading. It has a reading room and a kids area as well!

I then headed to my final destination - Amsterdam. Amsterdam is a city that so many people have raved about through the years that I deliberately put off coming here for fear of being disappointed when it didn’t live up to its hype. However on my last trip to Europe I met this beautiful Dutch girl on the train who convinced me that I would love Amsterdam as it truly was one of the most beautiful cities in Europe and wouldn’t disappoint. She even offered to show me around! However I didn’t pick up on the hint that I should’ve gone then and not now and so in a pathetic effort to atone for what I call the Dutch Girl debacle I’m here now. All I can say is that unlike other cities I’ve visited that were hyped up without good reason like Edinburgh, Florence, Vancouver or Bruges, this city lives up to its expectations. The city has an energy and vibrancy that is missing from many other places I’ve been. This is partially because of the different mix of tourists it attracts; there are many more younger people here and far less FARTS and couples. Its more groups of friends traveling together or solo travelers mixed in with a local population that is also young and living life in the outdoor cafes, bars, pubs and public spaces. I suspect all the old people are sent off to Maastricht or Utrecht where Andre Rieu lives. You need to be over 65 to appreciate his music!

It was also great just being back in a country of a Germanic nature where things run efficiently, you see people with clipboards and you just feel safe and confident in roaming the streets because you see the Police everywhere. It’s filled with people, tourists and locals alike sharing the place. Its like everyone here is in this constant good mood, possibly because of the mix of drugs and sex that is around the place but its more than that because not everyone here partakes in those activities. Part of this is the actual Dutch people I think. Over the years the Dutch have never really endeared themselves to me, I’ve generally found them stern and stand-offish. It may have been because of a bad experience in buying a Queen bootleg for 20 pounds off a Dutch guy once who was quite rude and it turned out was just giving me a CDR although I have tracks the band don’t even possess because they never made it onto the 40^th anniversary remaster. I also don’t like the Dutch language and think it sounds like English spoken backwards, the idea which comes from the Red Dwarf episode backwards. Whenever I hear Dutch I laugh because of this episode, however in their own country the language is more bearable and it has a certain rowdiness to it that makes it sound cheerful when you see people interact.

Euro 2012 is on and the Dutch show they're the South Africa of soccer!

Amsterdam is full of canals, old buildings, churches, museums, sex shops, cafes, bars, pleins and the like. There are lots of streets to wander through and all sorts of shops and malls to keep one interested. The city smells because of the all the smoking, but there is generally a breeze and so many people wear perfumes that it neutralizes it a bit. Here one can find good coffee at a low price that is better than German coffee and is made in the Australian way but with more of a consistency between places and it has that Italian creamy influence. It is a great place to just sit and watch the world go by. For some reason bottled water is very expensive here and comes at 2 euros for a 500ml bottle. Public toilets are also scarce and charge anywhere from 50 cents – 1 euro. The way around this is to go to a café and order a coffee for 2.50, ask for a glass of water and use the toilet. It amounts to the same price! Everyone speaks English here, but not always to me of course because despite my lack of height, the Dutch being the tallest nation on Earth, I have been addressed in Dutch first on numerous occasions. Several times I have been asked questions on the street in Dutch! I must look like someone that knows answers to questions because this happens a lot! There is friendliness to the place as well, you are always welcomed into any shop, the waitresses are always friendly and the service industry much warmer and more willing to assist than in many other places I’ve gone. Amsterdam is also a place for beautiful people and it seems like the locals are a cross between the Scandinavians and the Germans in mannerisms and looks. Hence the stare game takes on some very interesting dimensions here!

The Dutch do hot chips well!

The highlight of my visit here was Anne Frank’s house. The story you all know and so very sad because she made it all come to life through her words that you feel an emotional connection. The house is now part of a museum and its all quite small but organized very efficiently as you’d expect from the Dutch. People move through in single file, slowly, quietly, reflecting on the displays which range from photos, video interviews, extracts from the diary, her fathers correspondence in the years since and information on what happened when they were all taken from the house. There is no talking here, its not banned or anything but people are taking it all in. There are tears by some as well. You do actually go into the place where they family lived. Its unfurnished but you can get an idea of the space limitations and other restrictions on them like not being able to make noise during the day and how easily it would’ve been for people to get on each others nerves. I met this Australia couple from Canberra in the queue, who live their willingly, and the women had visited 38 years ago when it was just the attic. The museum and everything has been added in the years since and it’s a good idea as the queues are huge and this is a really good way of dispersing everyone whilst giving you something in return.

The Van Gogh museum was another highlight and a tribute to Dutch efficiency and organization. The art is beautifully presented in big rooms with lots of space to move around. There are suggested routes but if you break of these the system still works. They have dispersed the artworks in such a way that the main works are not all in the same place but are scattered about which helps dispersing traffic. It’s a full turn around from the chaos of the Italian museums and attractions where there was no flow control. Self Portrait and sunflowers are the signature attractions but I don’t like sunflowers as I am intolerant to them and they put them in the chips in this part of the world. Another highlight was the West Church, near Anne Frank’s house because it had a tower one could climb. Only 6 people can go up at a time and you need to book your time. It seems a little like overkill but when you see how steep the staircases are you realize its all about safety and efficient. It was only 30 minutes but it was time enough to take in the views. My comment to the guy running the place at the end was that it was good thing they had entry restrictions or it would’ve been a debacle like Italy where people go up and down narrow staircases at the same time. He completely agreed with my sentiment! He’d obviously been to Italy and also had issues with the organization.

Amsterdam obviously has a darker side and is famous for its coffee shops, where people go to buy and smoke dope and its red light district, de wallen, and its sex shops. You might think that its just men that are interested in checking these areas out but I can assure you that women are just as interested and many a time I’ve heard comments like, “Make sure we don’t miss any streets.” from groups of women traveling together. Its more in your face here than other cities in the world despite the fact that all cities have their darker sides, its made more prevalent by the fact that tourists come to look. The most fascinating thing to do was to walk behind groups of women and watch them react to what they were seeing. It was a bit like walking down the Ponte Vecchio in Florence and seeing their faces light up when they saw the jewelry store. Here they are pointing and prodding their friends as they look into the windows and notice different things about the small rooms the girls plying their trade stand in. The area itself doesn’t seem so big at first but as the night continues it gets bigger and bigger as more stores offer their services.

Hindsight is a truly wonderful thing and if I had my time again I would’ve knocked 2 weeks off my time in Italy and skipped Sicily, Florence, Como and Milan all of which were the lowlights of my trip along with Marseille and spent more time in Malta, France, Holland and also visited Belgium. I could make similar assessments about any holiday I’ve done though. Italy was a country of extremes with many things I really liked, and many things I hated. If you go to Italy not being able to eat most of the food than this definitely effects your perspective of the place. Food wise Europe was a struggle at times and if I couldn’t eat the wheat here I would have starved to death about 3 weeks ago. However in Europe what you see in the menu description is what you get, you don’t get tomatoes and onions and various other things added by default like in Australia. The cheese sauces never contain onion because the cheese is so flavorsome there is no need. The sandwiches don’t come with mayonnaise, mustard, salt, pepper or any other sauce and the deli meats and cheeses are all preservative free meaning I can eat unlimited quantities.

And so that’s the end. I will be back because of the bread but intend to do shorter holidays. There are 4 important travel lessons I’ve learned from my trip which I document if only for myself.  

1. I should never travel in Europe from May – August unless there is some show, concert or event to see. The weather is either too warm, unpredictable and as I like the cooler weather I’m better off going in the cooler months when there are fewer tourists. I will just have to put up with a cold
2. Short trips of less than 2 hours between destinations are worse than longer trips. Its counterfactual but by the time you pack your stuff, check out, rush to the train station, get on the train and then only have 30 minutes or so on the train for you to do it all again it actually makes it worse. When it’s a longer journey you can chill on the train, prepare for the next place and have a nap. This was most prevalent when taking a few trips with Allan, it was more stressful but on reflection it was only those short journeys that were stressful.
3. One must travel with a kindle. It weighs 200g and can store numerous books, travel documents and anything else important you need for your trip. It saves you having to lug all kinds of oversized books around in your luggage and you’re never short of something to read. It also has wireless and various other capabilities. Complementing this is an iPhone. The travel apps you can get are very useful, as are the banking apps which allow you to keep track of expenditure and juggle money as needed. However its most useful feature is GPS and maps which has saved me numerous times. Remember travel before google maps? I did it a few times and I notice the difference.
4. Never pre-purchase tickets for major attractions. By the time you figure out how to use it or found the skip the line queue you would likely have got in via the regular queue. Throw in a mandatory security check and there is no time gained. And should you miss the opportunity to use it you’ve lost that money or have to pay a surcharge.

I hope those 3 of you that read this far enjoyed the travel series; I certainly enjoyed bringing it to you. In actual fact this blog has had quite a few hits but I think most of them are because I name entries after song titles and people google the songs and end up at my blog! I will miss all the retro music Europe offers, the coffee, the food and the general buzz of being here but most of all I will miss that little game I play with myself when I see people and try to pick where they are from based on their clothes, height, accessories, smell and any words I overhear. It’s a melting pot of tourists here.  I know that the most important moment of my holiday is still yet to come, that moment when I return home and think about how much space I have. I know that there is some joke waiting for me but I can’t remember what it was.