The Final Countdown

Its sad writing the last blog entry for my first uni-directional holiday. This is the only trip I’ve done whereby I didn’t have to loop back between cities like London or Paris but always managed to move onto a unique city. Its not always possible to do this because of the various connections but I figured out a way. In an effort to slow things down towards the end of my holiday I planned 5 days in Paris, one of my favorite cities in the world and it was great being in 1 place for a while and not having to worry about packing and leaving anytime soon.

This is my 3^rd visit to Paris and probably the best out of all of them. It was a fair ride on the train from the Pyrenees, 3 hours in the train connecting to Bordeaux, and then another 3.5 hours on the TGV to Paris and if I wasn’t good at Geography and maths the journey would’ve been 9 hours as I could figure out a better combination than the rail Europe algorithm. In Bordeaux I’m positive the woman standing next to me at the station wanted me to chat her up cos she was staring at me and dropped her phone but I didn’t pick up. Unfortunately I didn’t think to learn any French pick-up lines so this is something to work on for next time. The goal for Paris was to do things I hadn’t managed on previous trips or to do some of the same things but at different times of the day. After re-orientating myself, I decided to head back to the scene of a life changing coffee experience on my first trip here. There was a small Italian restaurant just off the Champs- Elysees that Allan and I went to on our fateful trip here many years ago that I always wanted to re-visit. So I went back to relive the experience and found that everything was awful, the food and the coffee so I can strike this place off my list forever.

I kicked off my first day here with coffee with my sisters who had made the journey over from Paris for a quick getaway. It was nice sitting in a café on Ile Saint-Louis with all the French locals and listening to the conversations and music on offer and seeing some familiar faces. The problem with Paris nowadays is that the rest of the world has caught up and overtaken it in terms of café culture and these kind of experiences are hard to replicate. Café’s have opened up everywhere in the western world and introduced terrace seating and become meeting points for people. This means that the experience in Paris isn’t as special as it once was because you’re doing it in your own country and can hence compare. Basically French café’s are now crap in comparison to anywhere else in the western world, the coffee is awful, service not great and they don’t offer a great variety of food compared to what you’d get in Australia and other places. The food they do offer is generally average and overpriced. You basically pay for your seat and the experience of being in a French café, which could very well be filled with American and British tourists but if you find one with locals in it than its still worth it because the French accent is something we hear little of in Australia.

This time I allocated a fair portion of time to see the Louvre. I had visited it previously on my first trip but it was a rushed trip and I only remember seeing the Mona Lisa. I would have to say the museum is much better set-up nowadays. Paris in general is much more tourist friendly than it once was with multi-lingual signs and bi-lingual staff in all the key points and people much more willing to speak English. However the museum itself was easier to get around, there were signs, maps and staff everywhere directing people instead of getting grumpy when they didn’t speak French, which was the case many years ago. I really liked Napoleons apartments; there were so many nice things in there including a pig! As well as the wedding at Cana, the huge painting opposite the Mona Lisa most people miss. One does get art overload in this place and eventually has to leave but doing so isn’t as easy as one thinks. I got caught in a loop and eventually this staff member stops me and directs me to the exit saying, “Its to your left, next to the pickpocket.” I couldn’t believe he would know who the pickpocket was and so I asked, “Really you know where the pickpockets are?” He says, “Yes he’s right next to the exit and he’s taking things so watch your stuff as you go past.” One wonders why they don’t arrest him!

I visited the big 3 department stores which are great for seeing all kinds of things you can’t afford but also to see just how immacatuely dressed the staff are. They simply look stunning. If one was to ask for their help you would definitely leave with more things then you wanted! I also climbed the Eiffel tower by stairs and not just because this was what they did in the opening season of the Amazing Race, although this was at the back of my mind. Some of the lifts were broken meaning the queues were huge to get up the tower but if one took the stairs it was possible to beat these queues and save time and money. I’ve heard since the queues were as long as 4 hours – I did it all in about an hour! As Allan always says, “I love stairs and my face lights up when I see them.” I must climb stairs. It was great to get a different perspective in climbing the tower and it was very satisfying to reach the top. I also went up the Arc de Triumph at sunset to see stunning views along with hundreds of other people but it was well worth it. The lift was broken there as well but I was happy enough with the stairs.

Paris Underground station

I also did a bike tour of the city with this tour company that was run by young Americans and Aussie’s that kept using the words “awesome” and “we’ll set it up” with unbridled enthusiasm and who couldn’t pronounce any French words properly despite living in the city. My tour group was run by this Australia guy, a Carlton supporter, who once again proved that it doesn’t matter where Aussie’s are in the world your mood is always determined by how well your football team is going. He was very sad. We had a brief chat on where it all went wrong for Carlton but there were no answers as other teams can still win with injuries so why can’t Carlton? There were all kinds of people on this tour and everyone was very well educated pointing out the tour guides historical errors. Many of the facts he recited were straight out of the wikipedia entries which people need to avoid now because we’re all reading them and its becoming obvious. The tour was very enjoyable, with a welcome lunch break in the jardin des tuilleries. The real highlight was when this group of Americans on the tour approached this British guy and asked him to speak with their American accent so he could know what they sound like to other people. This group of people couldn’t figure out why everybody spoke to them in English even when they tried to use the local language. So the British guy did it and the Americans did his accent and it was all very funny. I inquired as to what they were doing in their interactions so I could assist and it turned out they were using the wrong words for things however despite my corrections this probably won’t help them because they were all wearing Texas university t-shirts! The only down sides of the tour were when everybody complained about the Paris metro being hard to use and that Paris is public toilet challenged. Nothing could be further from the truth. The metro is very easy to use, all you need to do is plan your route before you get on and consider various combinations keeping changes to a minimum. Paris is in fact one of the most public toilet friendly cities in the entire world. There are McDonalds and Quick (a Belgian burger chain) everywhere that have free toilets open to the public. There are toilets at all tourist attractions, cleaned regularly. All the department stores have beautiful clean toilets for free. There are public toilets every 100 meters or so on the main streets, signs to toilets and if that doesn’t work you can always buy a coffee and use one.

A real highlight of this trip was Versailles. I’ve never been before and so I set aside to day to do this trip and it was well worth it. The place is just a buzz, even the trip over is exciting. Its all just tourists that make the journey but its like a pilgrimage as you all catch the train together and then walk to the palace which is huge. It instantly grabs you. I didn’t pre-purchase a ticket here, I’d learnt by this point and managed to get one easily by just turning up and getting it at the ticket office opposite the station. Everything about this place is an indulgence. I can see why there was a French revolution when the people were starving! It sent the country into debt but I’m sure they’ve made their money back since on entry fees! The gardens are immacatuely kept and beautiful presently. There are fountains and all sorts of other things adorning them. The palace is magical; the hall of mirrors marvelous and the furniture, artwork, windows, statues and everything in them is completely over the top. They even have free wifi which is something Marie Antoinette never enjoyed!

Hall of Mirrors.

Another highlight was les invalids, a French war museum detailing all wars since 1871. The displays on world wars I and II were fantastic. I love the European perspective on these wars. I hate reading any literature that comes from Australia on these wars because its always biased and centered on how Australia was more integral than it really was. When one see’s the small display on the Black Sea campaign (i.e. Gallipoli) it should be noted that the British lost 150000 troops and the French 30 000, the campaign a failure there is no mention of Australia being integral. The Aussie’s are good fighters but our war efforts were not as significant as other countries as we didn’t have the numbers. My hotel on this visit was fantastic and in the perfect location near the louvre. The staff friendly and helpful and appreciative of my bad French because many of them couldn’t speak English. In fact when I left the woman at reception walked me down to the bus stop, chatted whilst we waited and then flagged down the bus and sent me on my way – now that’s what I call service! I also checked out some sites used in the film Before Sunset, one of my favorite romance films of all time. The Shakespeare & Co bookshop was easily the best of these. A famous English bookshop in Paris it was packed with tourists but has books dating back a very long time. It has everything from the Hardy Boys to Chesterton and all in this very tiny space so you are constantly bumping into people standing there reading. It has a reading room and a kids area as well!

I then headed to my final destination - Amsterdam. Amsterdam is a city that so many people have raved about through the years that I deliberately put off coming here for fear of being disappointed when it didn’t live up to its hype. However on my last trip to Europe I met this beautiful Dutch girl on the train who convinced me that I would love Amsterdam as it truly was one of the most beautiful cities in Europe and wouldn’t disappoint. She even offered to show me around! However I didn’t pick up on the hint that I should’ve gone then and not now and so in a pathetic effort to atone for what I call the Dutch Girl debacle I’m here now. All I can say is that unlike other cities I’ve visited that were hyped up without good reason like Edinburgh, Florence, Vancouver or Bruges, this city lives up to its expectations. The city has an energy and vibrancy that is missing from many other places I’ve been. This is partially because of the different mix of tourists it attracts; there are many more younger people here and far less FARTS and couples. Its more groups of friends traveling together or solo travelers mixed in with a local population that is also young and living life in the outdoor cafes, bars, pubs and public spaces. I suspect all the old people are sent off to Maastricht or Utrecht where Andre Rieu lives. You need to be over 65 to appreciate his music!

It was also great just being back in a country of a Germanic nature where things run efficiently, you see people with clipboards and you just feel safe and confident in roaming the streets because you see the Police everywhere. It’s filled with people, tourists and locals alike sharing the place. Its like everyone here is in this constant good mood, possibly because of the mix of drugs and sex that is around the place but its more than that because not everyone here partakes in those activities. Part of this is the actual Dutch people I think. Over the years the Dutch have never really endeared themselves to me, I’ve generally found them stern and stand-offish. It may have been because of a bad experience in buying a Queen bootleg for 20 pounds off a Dutch guy once who was quite rude and it turned out was just giving me a CDR although I have tracks the band don’t even possess because they never made it onto the 40^th anniversary remaster. I also don’t like the Dutch language and think it sounds like English spoken backwards, the idea which comes from the Red Dwarf episode backwards. Whenever I hear Dutch I laugh because of this episode, however in their own country the language is more bearable and it has a certain rowdiness to it that makes it sound cheerful when you see people interact.

Euro 2012 is on and the Dutch show they're the South Africa of soccer!

Amsterdam is full of canals, old buildings, churches, museums, sex shops, cafes, bars, pleins and the like. There are lots of streets to wander through and all sorts of shops and malls to keep one interested. The city smells because of the all the smoking, but there is generally a breeze and so many people wear perfumes that it neutralizes it a bit. Here one can find good coffee at a low price that is better than German coffee and is made in the Australian way but with more of a consistency between places and it has that Italian creamy influence. It is a great place to just sit and watch the world go by. For some reason bottled water is very expensive here and comes at 2 euros for a 500ml bottle. Public toilets are also scarce and charge anywhere from 50 cents – 1 euro. The way around this is to go to a café and order a coffee for 2.50, ask for a glass of water and use the toilet. It amounts to the same price! Everyone speaks English here, but not always to me of course because despite my lack of height, the Dutch being the tallest nation on Earth, I have been addressed in Dutch first on numerous occasions. Several times I have been asked questions on the street in Dutch! I must look like someone that knows answers to questions because this happens a lot! There is friendliness to the place as well, you are always welcomed into any shop, the waitresses are always friendly and the service industry much warmer and more willing to assist than in many other places I’ve gone. Amsterdam is also a place for beautiful people and it seems like the locals are a cross between the Scandinavians and the Germans in mannerisms and looks. Hence the stare game takes on some very interesting dimensions here!

The Dutch do hot chips well!

The highlight of my visit here was Anne Frank’s house. The story you all know and so very sad because she made it all come to life through her words that you feel an emotional connection. The house is now part of a museum and its all quite small but organized very efficiently as you’d expect from the Dutch. People move through in single file, slowly, quietly, reflecting on the displays which range from photos, video interviews, extracts from the diary, her fathers correspondence in the years since and information on what happened when they were all taken from the house. There is no talking here, its not banned or anything but people are taking it all in. There are tears by some as well. You do actually go into the place where they family lived. Its unfurnished but you can get an idea of the space limitations and other restrictions on them like not being able to make noise during the day and how easily it would’ve been for people to get on each others nerves. I met this Australia couple from Canberra in the queue, who live their willingly, and the women had visited 38 years ago when it was just the attic. The museum and everything has been added in the years since and it’s a good idea as the queues are huge and this is a really good way of dispersing everyone whilst giving you something in return.

The Van Gogh museum was another highlight and a tribute to Dutch efficiency and organization. The art is beautifully presented in big rooms with lots of space to move around. There are suggested routes but if you break of these the system still works. They have dispersed the artworks in such a way that the main works are not all in the same place but are scattered about which helps dispersing traffic. It’s a full turn around from the chaos of the Italian museums and attractions where there was no flow control. Self Portrait and sunflowers are the signature attractions but I don’t like sunflowers as I am intolerant to them and they put them in the chips in this part of the world. Another highlight was the West Church, near Anne Frank’s house because it had a tower one could climb. Only 6 people can go up at a time and you need to book your time. It seems a little like overkill but when you see how steep the staircases are you realize its all about safety and efficient. It was only 30 minutes but it was time enough to take in the views. My comment to the guy running the place at the end was that it was good thing they had entry restrictions or it would’ve been a debacle like Italy where people go up and down narrow staircases at the same time. He completely agreed with my sentiment! He’d obviously been to Italy and also had issues with the organization.

Amsterdam obviously has a darker side and is famous for its coffee shops, where people go to buy and smoke dope and its red light district, de wallen, and its sex shops. You might think that its just men that are interested in checking these areas out but I can assure you that women are just as interested and many a time I’ve heard comments like, “Make sure we don’t miss any streets.” from groups of women traveling together. Its more in your face here than other cities in the world despite the fact that all cities have their darker sides, its made more prevalent by the fact that tourists come to look. The most fascinating thing to do was to walk behind groups of women and watch them react to what they were seeing. It was a bit like walking down the Ponte Vecchio in Florence and seeing their faces light up when they saw the jewelry store. Here they are pointing and prodding their friends as they look into the windows and notice different things about the small rooms the girls plying their trade stand in. The area itself doesn’t seem so big at first but as the night continues it gets bigger and bigger as more stores offer their services.

Hindsight is a truly wonderful thing and if I had my time again I would’ve knocked 2 weeks off my time in Italy and skipped Sicily, Florence, Como and Milan all of which were the lowlights of my trip along with Marseille and spent more time in Malta, France, Holland and also visited Belgium. I could make similar assessments about any holiday I’ve done though. Italy was a country of extremes with many things I really liked, and many things I hated. If you go to Italy not being able to eat most of the food than this definitely effects your perspective of the place. Food wise Europe was a struggle at times and if I couldn’t eat the wheat here I would have starved to death about 3 weeks ago. However in Europe what you see in the menu description is what you get, you don’t get tomatoes and onions and various other things added by default like in Australia. The cheese sauces never contain onion because the cheese is so flavorsome there is no need. The sandwiches don’t come with mayonnaise, mustard, salt, pepper or any other sauce and the deli meats and cheeses are all preservative free meaning I can eat unlimited quantities.

And so that’s the end. I will be back because of the bread but intend to do shorter holidays. There are 4 important travel lessons I’ve learned from my trip which I document if only for myself.  

1. I should never travel in Europe from May – August unless there is some show, concert or event to see. The weather is either too warm, unpredictable and as I like the cooler weather I’m better off going in the cooler months when there are fewer tourists. I will just have to put up with a cold
2. Short trips of less than 2 hours between destinations are worse than longer trips. Its counterfactual but by the time you pack your stuff, check out, rush to the train station, get on the train and then only have 30 minutes or so on the train for you to do it all again it actually makes it worse. When it’s a longer journey you can chill on the train, prepare for the next place and have a nap. This was most prevalent when taking a few trips with Allan, it was more stressful but on reflection it was only those short journeys that were stressful.
3. One must travel with a kindle. It weighs 200g and can store numerous books, travel documents and anything else important you need for your trip. It saves you having to lug all kinds of oversized books around in your luggage and you’re never short of something to read. It also has wireless and various other capabilities. Complementing this is an iPhone. The travel apps you can get are very useful, as are the banking apps which allow you to keep track of expenditure and juggle money as needed. However its most useful feature is GPS and maps which has saved me numerous times. Remember travel before google maps? I did it a few times and I notice the difference.
4. Never pre-purchase tickets for major attractions. By the time you figure out how to use it or found the skip the line queue you would likely have got in via the regular queue. Throw in a mandatory security check and there is no time gained. And should you miss the opportunity to use it you’ve lost that money or have to pay a surcharge.

I hope those 3 of you that read this far enjoyed the travel series; I certainly enjoyed bringing it to you. In actual fact this blog has had quite a few hits but I think most of them are because I name entries after song titles and people google the songs and end up at my blog! I will miss all the retro music Europe offers, the coffee, the food and the general buzz of being here but most of all I will miss that little game I play with myself when I see people and try to pick where they are from based on their clothes, height, accessories, smell and any words I overhear. It’s a melting pot of tourists here.  I know that the most important moment of my holiday is still yet to come, that moment when I return home and think about how much space I have. I know that there is some joke waiting for me but I can’t remember what it was.

Nice in Nice

France is so much better than Italy in almost every respect and I feel so much more at home here. I’ve been to France several times before but you really notice certain things after a month in Italy. The hotels are much nicer with beds that are actually comfortable, the hotel breakfasts are much better and far more suitable for my needs, the cities cleaner, the accent better, the bread is a million times nicer and much more agreeable, there are a lot more public toilets, the trains are much better and train stations are setup to actually help people with staff roaming around directing people instead of standing around having a smoke and talking on their mobile phones. The French employ staff with the specific job of just standing around, talking and smoking thus freeing up the other staff to do some work .The only areas where France loses out to Italy IMHO are the coffee, which is much worse than Australian coffee, the pasta, the gelati, the shopping, the 80’s, quiz shows, the people aren’t as friendly and also that it is much more expensive than Italy. That’s not a lot but when weighted they are significant. 

On the train to France I was preparing myself to make the jump to French mode from Italian mode and kept saying to myself, “must speak French now” over and over and listening to the announcements and conversations around me in French in an effort to immerse myself. Then the train stops and the guy next to me asks in French if this is the last stop, I understand, I go to respond with “oui” and then “si” comes out. Its always tricky changing languages, especially when you’ve got basic Italian in your head. The guy says, “oh, grazie” and walks away! The worst thing I did when arriving in Nice was go to an Italian festival in town. Here they had all the Italian words for the food with everybody ordering in French. I was so confused I had to leave before my brain exploded.

Nice is the beginning of my Stranglers/biscuit tour of France. The Stranglers singing a song Nice in Nice and I have to say this is very true. Sadly there were no Nice or Monte Carlo biscuits in this part of the world. Nice is the biggest city on the Cote d’azur and is really the California of Europe. The sea here is this amazing blue colour that you just don’t expect making Cote d’azur true to its name. The beach itself is full of rocks and pebbles so isn’t as nice as a Californian or Australian beach. Nice attracts people from all over the world, many of which are very beautiful. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve come from Italy to France or just because of my own personal tastes but French women are stunning. I’ve already written 50000 word essay’s on the subtitles of European women but where they win out isn’t just in how they dress and present themselves its in the subtle use of body language. It may be an over awareness of eye contact of my part compared to all other non verbal communication signals but it is very European to look at people. German and Scandinavian women like to hold their stares, Italian women stare for half as long and then look away forcing you to do the same but then they come back with a counter stare to see if they catch you looking back but French women do a subtle glance that lasts an instant. If they like what they see then they do another subtle glance. One must play this game when in Europe for its lots of fun! A word of warning, don’t ever play this game in Australia because you’ll just get a lot of dirty looks and women rolling their eyes at you.

Nice was a region that was fought over by the French and Italians for many years but was actually its own region for a while and part of the house of Savoy. The Italians wanted it but when Italy was seeking unification it needed to attack Austria and the French agreed to help in exchange for Nice. They foolishly gave it up. As a result Nice is a little bit of Italy in France. The food and culture here is very Italian with several differences. The specialties of the region are fish based foods as well as the salad nicoise. Many of the dishes are combinations of basil, garlic, pesto, tomato and possibly onion all of which are my evil enemies. As much as I love this part of the world I have vowed to never return because the food was too much of a struggle and would advise anyone on a low FODMAP diet or with intolerances to fish, fructose or gluten to avoid the Italian and French Rivera’s. Europeans don’t understand food intolerances and many of these sauces are made en-mass so they won’t be able to take things out.

As for Nice the thing to do is take a walk down the beautiful avenue des anglais. This is a seafront boulevard whereby one can walk along the beautiful ocean on one side and admire the blue sea as well as the wonderful Art deco buildings on the other side. Nice hasn’t always been like this and it was the industrial revolution that bought the English to Nice. All that pollution drove people away from the cities when they got sick as the doctors thought that sea air was good for people and so they came to places like Nice to recover. However people only ever came in winter! The women liked to look at the beach at the time but didn’t want to go on the beach and so they developed the promenade along the beach for this very reason. As time went on the hotels were built. After World War II people discovered that if they went out in the sun for a while they could get a suntan and so people started coming to Nice in summer. Why it took people that long to figure this out probably relates to the amount of clothing people used to wear. Nice had a reputation as a place to be throughout the 20^th century but as the century continued it just grew and grew and now it’s not only a playground for the rich and famous but it attracts tourists of all ages from all over the world but especially America. Many movie stars and the like have houses in this area. Nice also has a growing IT industry but if one wanted to experience the real France this isn’t the place to come because it does feel artificial at times.  

Allan and I kicked our time off with a bike tour. We were on time for a change but this group of Americans coming off a cruise ship had trouble getting there and we waited an hour for them. The tour guide was a very sweet Irish women and she infused her commentary with trivia although I stole her thunder because I knew the story of Isadora Duncan who died in Nice after being strangled by her own scarf when it got caught in the wheels of a car. As luck would have it, it bucketed with rain later that day meaning it wasn’t so nice in Nice and it became a good opportunity for laundry. Nice doesn’t have a lot to do and my favorite pastime wasn’t people watching along the promenade but something much more exciting. It turns out that the Nice airport is built on reclaimed land just outside the city. When the planes come to land they fly low over the water and turn and head for the airport. It’s fantastic to watch planes fly so low, head towards the water and then land. It’s better than San Diego airport! They even have planes landing and taking off at the same time. By my calculations the planes often flew within a kilometer of each other. In Australia the Herald Sun makes a headline story when 2 planes fly within 100 kilometers of each other. I guess it’s possible to fly closer!

From Nice I made a little side trip to Monaco. I had originally intended to stay in Monaco but when I saw the hotel prices I decided against this. There is no such thing as a cheap hotel in Monaco because they want to keep the riff raff away! As it’s not far from Nice it would’ve just been a hassle traveling to another city so close and this enabled me to get a discount from my hotel in staying in extra night. Monaco as a city has some stunning views but is a complete waste of time in every other respect so I’m glad I didn’t stay here. It’s just full of spoilt little rich people that sit there on their expensive boats all alone drinking and smoking probably feeling completely dissatisfied with their lives. You see people driving their fancy cars down the streets wearing their nice clothes and fancy sunglasses but I really can’t see the appeal of the place other than it being somewhere to make rich people feel good. Here they can be treated by royalty as they spend lots of money. For the tourist all we seem to do is wander around the hilly streets taking photos of the views, walking the grand prix circuit and wondering what all the fuss is about.  

In Nice Allan and I parted ways as planned. The trip has had its up’s and downs but what happens on holidays stays on holidays and I’ll put all that behind me now and move on. I left Nice and took a stunning train ride down the French coast to Marseille, France’s 2^nd oldest city. I came here for 1 reason only, to hear the French accent. One of the things you get taught when learning French is the differences in the accents between regions but everyone’s favorite is the Marseille accent. As a lover of the French accent I needed to experience this for myself. The accent is reputedly a little like a song, as if they are singing when they talk. My first few interactions in this place where quite difficult because I wasn’t used to the accent but also because I sadly don’t have a natural ear for French and need to work hard at interpreting sounds. I have to say I didn’t think the accent was anything special, if anything they speak too slowly and this creates new problems because words which I know don’t registrar because they are dragging sounds out that I’m not used to. The city itself has a reputation for being dirty and not all that nice despite recent efforts to improve it. I would have to agree with this reputation and found the city completely unappealing. It’s a fusion of various ethnic groups and socio economic areas scattered throughout the inner city which creates various different food smells and cultural experiences so I can why some people would love that but this isn’t for me.

I was disappointed with this because there were 50 other cities I wanted to come to but I settled on Marseille mainly because its was a TGV hub and due to its proximity to another city I wanted to see, AIX-en-province. I’ve always wanted to go to a city that shares it name with a bad UNIX operating system! (NERD JOKE!) I thought perhaps not many people knew about this city but I turned up to find 25 buses filled with American tourists in the main square. I’m pretty good at distinguishing between American tourists and the French locals. The American women buy all the local clothes and try to look French but if they’re not talking its their lack of subtle body language that gives them away. Aix-en-provenance (pronounced X-en-provenance) is one of the nicest cities in France. The old town is just a series of lovely tree lined streets with beautiful old buildings. There are squares, churches and the most wonderful collection of food shops. There isn’t much to do but wander the alleys and browse but as I’m relaxing I didn’t mind so much and sat in cafes and drunk lots of coffee. Unfortunately the quality of French coffee is quite poor and I think what happened was that coffee improved in the rest of the world and France got left behind. So you can imagine my joy when I find this Australian coffee shop selling flat whites! I couldn’t believe my luck and I get to chatting with the guy in Frenglish with more of the ish then Freng and he spent 6 months in Brisbane as a barista and really liked the Australian way of making coffee and wanted to bring it back to France. He was very disappointed with the quality of French coffee and is doing his best to improve things. Here I hoped to run into Ritchie Benaud who has a villa in the south of France and I’m sure would hang it in such a marvelous town but alas I couldn’t find him. The only downside to this town is the lack of public toilets, I found 3, 2 of which didn’t work and many people are forced to urinate in the streets. I reckon anyone opening a public toilet here would make a killing!

My next stop was Toulouse which was really just a stepping stone to my next destination as it was on the TGV line. It took most of the day to get here on the train so I didn’t have a lot of time but I liked what I saw. Toulouse is just one of those really nice medium sized French cities that has a few things to see like the river, Pont Neuf and some lovely old buildings but doesn’t attract stacks of tourists, although they exist.  It’s the perfect place to practice your French because as there aren’t many tourists here there is little need for English. The accent here is wonderful, much better than Marseille and everyone speaks so clearly and at the right pace such that I couldn’t believe how much I understood of the conversations going on around me. I would definitely come back here and indeed I’m thinking from now on I pick destinations that aren’t so touristy because I’ve pretty much been to all the touristy places I’ve wanted to see, there are no more on my list.

Lourdes was the town I really wanted to get to which is nestled high in the Pyrenees and quite hard to get to. The town would be insignificant if it wasn’t for this women, Bernadette Soubirous who had a series of apparitions of the virgin Mary in the 1850s. It is widely believed that the water in the grotto where she had these visions has healing properties and many people claimed to have been healed by drinking and or bathing in the holy water at Lourdes although Bernadette herself never made these claims. It has since become the 3^rd most popular pilgrimage spot for Catholics after the Vatican and some place in Mexico. Edith Piaf was cured of some blindness as a child here and for that reason always were a cross. It is difficult to quantify the number of people that have been cured by the holy water or if the water itself does cure. Scientific analysis of the water has been done and it turns out the water contains a number of things that are better for you. Perhaps when drunk in large quantities it has a healing affect but who really knows with these things.

I always wanted to come here and drink the holy water if I ever felt I needed to be cured of anything and so for me it was multiple food intolerances. The medical world can’t help me so maybe this would do the trick. Lourdes was packed with people, and noticeably sick people, old people, disabled people, the needy that we often neglect in our own society and who are far worse off then myself. There are many wheelchair people here. Surprisingly for a tourist town that attracts people from France, Italy, Spain, UK, Portugal and an emerging tourist enemy – the Dutch, people speak surprisingly little English. This is unusual but probably due to the large numbers of Italian and Spanish tourists it isn’t so vital and so French came in handy. The grotto is quite a big place and people are everywhere, and there are church services all over the place because there are also churches everywhere. There are 2 in the grotto; there are numerous chapels and this great underground basilica which seems as big as Telstra Dome. So I tried the water and put some into bottles to take home. The water was really nice but the only noticeable effect it had on my was a serious case of indigestion. I think I was intolerant to the holy water and it certainly didn’t cure me of any intolerances as it just made everything worse for a day.  

The Catholics believe that the Virgin Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ was actually perfect and as such she holds a very special place in the church. Anglicans dispute this but they have other stuff that is maybe a bit sketchy. Consequently Catholics actually pray to the virgin Mary, something many Anglicans call Mary worship. Mary is huge here and at night there is this mammoth procession led by a statue of the virgin Mary which is followed by anyone that wants. Thousands of people join in and I would have to say the French do a very good job of traffic control. They have people in all the right positions (some with clipboards!); they cordon off areas and make it very clear where to walk. If these apparitions had have happened in Italy it would have been a debacle. Staff would be standing around smoking and talking instead of directing people and there would be jams everywhere. The procession is sort of a prayer walk – liturgy done in 6 different languages, including Dutch. The reason why they get so many people is because each person gets to hold a candle. Catholics love candles and the church makes a lot of money from people in candle sales. Some tour groups even came with pre-made candles that were so big it required 2 or 3 people to carry them. However it doesn’t matter what the walk is for, if you get to hold a candle then I’m in. I’m sure if churches around the would wanted to increase their attendance at prayer meetings then all they would need to do is promise candles and numbers would swell. I had trouble lighting my candle and asked this French women to light my candle but in the process I put her fire out and in the end this Dutch lady came to the rescue and showed me how to hold it. I presume she was Dutch cos I couldn’t understand a word she said.  

It turned out on this trip one didn’t need to book as many things in advance as I realized. It turns out that the internet is a big scam in this regard. Hotel websites receive allocations of rooms to sell from the hotels and can create the illusion hotels are filling when in actual fact they aren’t. The same is true with the pre-purchase of train tickets. You can always buy one on the day at the station, it may just cost more. The most important thing I’ve learnt on this trip is that my iphone has its own GPS system independent of any phone/wireless network. This means if one downloads the map into the phone’s memory one can then navigate to their hotel from the train station and once I learnt this I never got lost again. Combined with my gift for finding wireless hotspots this has been priceless! So I’ve 1 week left in my holiday and I’m taking it easy, surprising I know. There isn’t much planned this week. Anyways for those used to the blog you may have to begin withdrawal planning. I’ve been suffering football withdrawal symptoms. This week I had a dream I was on the MMM commentary team and gave feedback to the team on their commentary which wasn’t at all appreciated!

We are the World

I simply had to name my blog this after hearing this song as someone’s ring tone. This could only happen in Italy where the 80’s reign supreme. This is my last week in Italy and I leave with mixed feelings which is appropriate because I have experienced all the extremes of Italy. The further north we went, the more Italy functioned like the rest of Europe but the more hurried and curt people were when dealing with you. Friendly banter disappeared at times and we experienced bad service, dodgy waiters tricking you into ordering sides for which you pay 7 euros more in Italy and there was just some rudeness. The coffee got better the further north we went and was best in the Milan – Como – Turin area but especially Turin. The food improved as well. Italy is a country of contrasts for it seems people are much better off in the north, they dress better, drive better cars and have a better quality of life but the downside of this is that you are less likely to experience the genuineness of the Italian people. It may be a universal constant that the better off people are the less friendly they become.

Allan and I had planned a couple of days on the beautiful lake Como. Easily the most popular of the 3 Italian lakes it is also the most touristy. Unfortunately because I have no interest in bike racing it was the final of the giro d’italia on the day we left Milan and Allan missed it because this wasn’t factored into the holiday plan. It could have been but as I am the only person in Australia to have not watched the tour de France I don’t think of things like this unless I am reminded. Recognizing this we turned up at Como only to be treated very rudely by the guy at the hotel because we had arrived prior to the check in time and Allan wished he’d stayed in Milan. The manager pointed out to me that my reservation said 2pm check in. We knew this but simply wanted to dump our bags and felt he could’ve been a bit nicer. He obviously hadn’t carried 20kg around with him all around Europe every few days. I researched my hotels thoroughly whilst sticking to a budget and have found several places were not worthy of their high tripadvisor rankings.  There are several reasons for this. The first is that hotels in Italy don’t have standardized room sizes and so Allan could get a bigger room then me when paying the same price. The second is that the location of the room in the hotel matters significantly because if you overlook the street you can get no sleep because of garbage trucks that come in the middle of the night. There is also a significant drop in quality between 3 and 4 star hotels in Italy. In many cases a 3 star hotel in Italy is the equivalent of a 2 star, or 1.5 stars in Australia. If you are fructose/gluten intolerant than don’t ever stay in a hotel below 4 stars because they offer very little for breakfast that you can eat, the 4 star hotels offer varieties of eggs, bacon and gluten free options, anything less than this and its awful Italian pastries and a bit of cheese and ham.  

Como was nice but boring, lots of views, lots of walks. Locals just sit on park benches and stare at the lake. From Como its possible to explore the lake using the ferry system. However the Italians have devised the most complicated timetable of all time so that it is not possible for any foreigners to make sense of anything. This being Italy you don’t bother asking anyone working for the ferry company for help because they won’t be helpful so I decided against going anywhere for fear of ending up somewhere stranded because I couldn’t figure out how to get home. I was also a bit over Italy’s inefficiencies! So I drank coffee, went for walks and did little else because I figure on holidays it doesn’t hurt to take it easy once in a while!

Sometimes I think I should send a bill to trenitalia for the number of tourists I’ve helped at train stations. It’s a nightmare trying to negotiate these Italian trains if you don’t know anything about geography, computers or any basic Italian. The problem is that if your stop isn’t the final destination of a train its difficult to figure out which train to take because the departure screens just list the final destination. So how do you know which train to catch? You could ask someone that works at the station – good luck. You could use the internet – not much help. The best way is to use the POD system which is based on the numerous German train travel games like ticket to ride or union pacific. One matches the written departure time on the ticket with any trains leaving at the same time, and if multiple trains are departing at that time one then uses their geography knowledge to pick the most likely final destination for your stop. You then run around to each prospective platform to match the list of stops. Consequently catching a train with me is never easy and is best summed up in the words of Allan, “Going on holidays with you is like being on the amazing race only more stressful.” It is exhausting catching trains in Europe with me because often you literally run to get on to the right carriage, get on, and then it takes off. Allan thinks I enjoy making it stressful – its true I do. However if we have a booking then we need to make the train.  

Top of the Mole

Its quite appropriate that Allan make the amazing race comment as our next destination was Turin. Turin is the only Italian city that the amazing race has visited twice. On the night I did my detailed planning for this city I watched the latest episode of the amazing race only to find they went to Turin. I grabbed my notes and made a list of all the things they did when they came here and my goal was to do all the same things. There was much joy in this trip symmetry and I climbed the Mole, a tower that gives good views of the city and area and first official entry for the great towers of the world series this trip. A series within a series it has sort of a cult following. I then went to the automobile museum which gives a detailed history of the evolution of the motor car in Europe and America and goes into depth of its impact of culture. In the amazing race they had to find a 1916 FJ Holden and ran around the museum but I couldn’t find it. The museum itself is huge so I can see why it took them so long to find it.

Po River

Turin is missed by many people when coming to Italy but I loved it. Its easily one of the best cities in Italy and is actually ranked the #9 best attraction in Italy. The 3^rd biggest city in Italy it attracts few tourists but unlike many other places in Italy which can really be eyesores this is a beautifully laid out city. Its all flat and has wide pedestrian walkways, many of which are undercover. The charming streets are lined with the Turin arch and as is the case in Italy one soon finds themselves in some amazing piazza. Turin is perfect for the type of travel I like to do – wandering around European cities. I could do this to my hearts content here because every street had something to see. There were so many shops here as well as bars, cafes, restaurants and museums that I was never bored. The city feels very much like Melbourne and is very easy to navigate around and is set around the attractive Po river, the longest in Italy and a common trivia question.

The Turin Arch

People in Turin also don’t pretend to be something their not. There is no outrageous fashion like in say Milan where people like to look good and can really overdo things. Its more real and down to Earth here. Italians always look good, it’s the way they are, and they accessorize well I’ve noticed but they can do this with anything they put on. Turin has a major student population and it seems all people do is spend their time in bars and café’s. We never once saw an office worker or office building so one wonders if anyone works here at all. It was difficult finding hotels as well. Our hotel was disappointing but at least it was cheap and didn’t detract from our time here. The staff at the hotel were very curt and not particularly friendly. I had trouble with my door and had to ask the scary women at the desk for help in opening it. I’ve had trouble with a few doors in Italy as well as the auto sensing taps in the bathroom. I may have broken a couple of these taps when trying to turn them. The accent in the north is much harder for me to decipher as well. People speak much faster but their words almost seem to be German scented or flavored with another Eastern European dialect and I’m always struggling to keep up and have looked stupid several times. The standard of English is improved up here but its still very poor. I suspect people learn English at school to about year 9 level so probably only learn a year or 2 more of what an Australian would learn of a foreign language.

Turin Bread - The best bread in Italy

Turin offered the most unbelievably amazing life changing coffee I’d ever had. I was up to 6/7 coffees a day here. I also had the best food here as well and life changing gnocchi. If Turn was a surprise packet then Genoa was more so. This could be the nicest city in Italy if it wasn’t for all the rubbish and dog poo lying around but its still very charming. Just as a side track don’t come to Italy if you hate dogs, they are everywhere, in shops, restaurants and meeting other dogs down the streets. Genoa is a beautiful old sea port that rests in the hills overlooking the ocean. Its still one of the busiest seaports in Europe and the Porto Antico is set right on the waterfront where one has stunning views of the boats, oceans and city skyline. There is plenty to see and do down there. Being on the sea there is a constant sea breeze which has been very refreshing from the warm weather I’ve experienced since coming to Italy. This warm weather has been unfortunate because it doesn’t help the way I like to travel. I’ve been in Europe in May before and the weather can be poor, I guess it just went the other way this trip.

Genoa Porto Antico

Genoa is quite hilly and filled with all sorts of old medieval lanes and charming buildings, hundreds of years old. One can go for a walk down a little lane, and then go down another lane, and another lane and this can go on for as long as you like. Allan pointed out that these lanes were probably used for sewerage. The city does not get many tourists and as people actually live in the city you’re amongst real Italians and here you get to see their true, friendly nature and they will do their best to communicate with you. The food and coffee here is fantastic, the seafood is especially fresh and even I liked it. The city is quite small and very easy to walk around, great for browsing in shops its also full of museums and churches. The aquarium is the signature attraction, its very fishy but has some interesting stuff. Its fun to walk behind groups of school kids and watch their reactions when they see the penguins, the swordfish were cool and I was the only person looking at the box jelly fish but many of the fish were too small to be interesting and it wasn’t worth the 19 euros admission price.

Panorama of Seaport

A relaxing time in Genoa was just what the doctor ordered and the people here are good natured and happy to use their dodgy English which will always be better than my dodgy Italian. Try as I might I simply don’t have the vocab to get very far in Italian and given we spent 2 terms learning the parts of the body this was never going to be helpful unless I had a problem with my eyelashes. I think I should design a language course with English as a prerequisite so the teacher doesn’t spend all their time explaining grammar. Regardless there are only about 10 words one needs to know when coming to Italy if you don’t know Italian. The numbers are important, I’ve got them covered. If you know French, then just change the endings and learn 10 – 20. Prego is the most overused word in the Italian language and can mean just about anything from, can I help you, to your welcome, to you go next to no problem. Its been fun watching American tourists trying to figure out what it means. Grazie and buongiorno are next followed by per favore. Prendo is the verb one uses to order and then you have anche (for also), basta (for that’s it) and then just learn a few Italian sounds and you should be able to pronounce most words as the language is very phonetic and they should understand you even with a dodgy accent. Don’t ever think that if you know French you’ll get by in Italy. The grammar is similar but the vocab often quite different. I saw plenty of French tourists struggling in Italy.

Genoa - City

Traveling with Allan gets better with each holiday and the days off have been helpful. The main stress in our trip revolves around choosing the restaurant each night because of my restrictions. We need to find somewhere that has dishes without tomato, pesto, preferably fish, vegetables and fruit and this can take a while. It can be frustrating for both of us looking at menus from place to place until I can find something and then there is the issue of Allan finding a place that he likes and me vetoing it because I can’t eat anything there. Add to this my love of gnocchi and Allan’s hatred of gnocchi and Allan’s desire to eat risotto and my refusal to eat risotto. I love risotto but I don’t trust anyone to make it without onion. Add to this that Italy serves less varieties of risotto than Australia. They only really do seafood risotto, risotto Milanese, risotto with radish, risotto with asparagus and I’m not eating them. Italy however offers a vast variety of dishes and it is usually possible for me to find something to eat. As we went further north the dishes contained more tomato, pesto and fish and this complicated matters. In the more touristy places they deliberately have more British type food which I can eat. The best food was in Turin and Genoa. I don’t know if this is because we were better at finding better restaurants or if because these places weren’t so touristy and so we ended up at places where the locals ate.

People rave about Italy as being a truly wonderful country but I don’t think the experience of most tourists here truly reflects what Italy is really like. Most people visit Rome, Florence, Sienna, Pisa & Venice and then fly out. Rome aside, these places are mostly pitched at tourists where people speak English in all the key areas, they have designated areas for tourists to eat where the locals don’t go and you see nice things that are reasonably clean, you take a few photos, have a coffee and gelati and leave thinking Italy is fantastic. Its like going to Australia and only visiting Sydney, Gold Coast, Great Barrier Reef and Cairns. Everybody knows you haven’t experienced the real Australia unless you’ve at least come to Melbourne! What people don’t tell you about is the dog poo in the streets, the smell of urine, the rubbish left lying around, the smell of sewerage, the bread is awful and dry, the pizza bland and overrated, the trains are old and often lack air conditioning, the old run down apartment buildings people live in and areas that are very run down and unpleasant and not to mention the lack of public toilets in places. The fact that Italy is so much warmer and more humid than the rest of Europe should also be mentioned as this can make travel unpleasant.

Pirate Ship!

Despite these things I definitely liked Italy and particularly those places that weren’t so touristy. The people were easily the friendliest and most genuine I’ve met in Europe with the exception of a few places. Despite language difficulties they made a genuine effort to communicate with you and realized that it was unreasonable of them to expect all foreigners to their country to speak Italian as its really only spoken here. Its worth coming here for the coffee alone, the shopping is great everywhere (not just Milan and Florence) even if you’re a guy and the gelati worthwhile. If you can find places to eat where the locals go and pasta home made then you won’t be disappointed. You can easily find bad food in Italy as well as bad coffee in places. Italy is also much cheaper then many other European countries. Italy is packed with tourists and I can see that this is a great country to go with a someone special but even then I think it would still be worthwhile going somewhere out of the way and getting your own space. It would help a persons experience if coming to Italy for a reason like hiking, bike riding or even to buy specific things in certain places. I wouldn’t rate this place better then France, Germany or the UK, it certainly doesn’t run as well as any of those places but it’s certainly worth returning to and just avoiding certain places.

So I’ve survived 5 weeks in Europe. I had mild Eddie McGuire withdrawal symptoms this week but got through them. I also cleaned my backpack because she had some dirt on her. I have about 2 weeks in France to immerse myself in French and see how many people I can fool into thinking I know some French. Allan and I will be splitting up as planned in a few days and this week I intend to cover well over a thousand kilometers before slowing the pace of my trip down considerably and then heading home.  

Bohemian Rhapsody

Florence.

 

This travelogue is so named because Florence is the birthplace of Galileo, Galileo and as I name these blogs after song titles this was the most appropriate one. It’s also appropriate because being in Italy is like being in a constant 70s and 80s soundtrack. Every place I go plays the hits from these decades and you leave one shop playing Phil Collins to enter another playing ELO and then another playing Howard Jones. Breakfast has featured Mike and the Mechanics and other times I’ve heard some of Feargal Sharkey’s minor follow up hits. Sometimes we hear something modern, like an Italian singer covering Phil Collins songs or someone singing What about me in Italian or another covering Juice Newton’s Angel in the Morning! I’m not complaining – I love the 80s!

Palazzo Vecchio.

Florence is a city that comes highly recommended by many people however I found it a little disappointing. The problem is that the whole city seems a bit contrived and similar to Quebec City in that they have apportioned part of a city entirely for tourists and shopping. The locals are nowhere to be found and live away from the tourist precincts. Consequently it’s full of tourists but has younger tourists then the usual FARTS (fat American retired tourists), teenagers, young adults and many mother – daughter couples holidaying together. That’s not to say it isn’t beautiful because it is with the beautiful Duomo, Ponte Vecchio, piazza’s and churches it’s very much like a compact version of Rome. It does however smell but because there are so many beautiful women here wearing nice perfume this offsets the bad smells from the sewerage and the river.

Ponte Vecchio in background.

I think that the problem with Florence is that it’s a city designed entirely for women and couples to enjoy and one needs to take this on board before coming here. There was 1 guy that warned me of this but I guess I went with the weight of numbers. We were here for 5 days but the city is so compact we could’ve seen it in 2. There was also the Sunday – Monday factor to consider. This is a problem whereby in Europe many things are closed on these days, either shops, churches or museums. However in Italy they complicate matters even more because they half open things and charge you the full admission fee only to have you enter and then discover you can’t see half the things you wanted. We got burnt with this twice. The city is packed with people and there are long queues to get into everything. This isn’t because of weight of numbers but all due to Italian inefficiencies in processing. At the Uffizi you have a security screening, show your ticket once, and then go up 3 flights of stairs to show your ticket again. At the Duomo there is a queue for no apparent reason we can fathom. It took us 10 seconds to get tickets but its all these losers that get to the ticket counter that don’t have their money ready or FARTS paying separately or waiting for Merv to catch up. At one point in a trip up one of the towers there was so much congestion of people it took a German tourist to step up and bring order to things because the Italian staff standing around are just there for looks and not to guide people. This is frustrating.

Duomo.

Enough of the negatives because it wasn’t bad being here, just not as good as expected.  We kicked our time off in the city with a Segway tour because obviously only the coolest people do these tours. Allan thinks I have Segway on the brain because I keep using it in general conversation saying, “That was a really good Segway into the conversation.” Which is apparently incorrect English but I’m hoping it becomes the norm.  The tour was fun as expected, the guide great and we met the nicest American family that were straight out of an American TV sitcom set in New England. The coffee stop mid tour was also a bonus and great chance to practice my American. The shopping is fun, there are many leather goods here and numerous markets one can look through. We also found the most amazing food market in our random wanderings. Fresh deli meats and cheeses with the most amazing smells. In Europe I can eat unlimited deli meats as opposed to a 100 gram limit in Australia. This is because the deli meats are preservative free and have a much lower fat content meaning you can eat more before you feel full. I have been enjoying the anti pasta at the start of a meal as well as the continental breakfasts.

Allan has a theory that the quality of the hotel you stay in affects your perception of the city. The theory being a crap hotel, crap sleep, crap room, crap breakfast brings a real negative to your day. Our hotel was ok but not as good as many others and this may have been a contributing factor. Any hotel not offering eggs at breakfast is a problem for me but this happens in Italy. Our interactions with people this week have been quite interesting as well. There is a whole communal dining experience in Europe because you are in much closer proximity to the other tables that you can end up talking to those around you. This has happened a few times. On one night we met these American Evangelical Christians that didn’t believe in debt and felt America’s problems could be solved if people lived like them. They live in what’s called a Christian bubble, whereby you surround yourself with people that believe in the same things as you and are never in the real world. We have many of these people in Australia as well. We also found a great little restaurant we went to a couple of times and mingled with some Americans in the tables around us and we talked about one of my favorite subjects – the differences in the American accent between regions. I was also able to use some of my pre-prepared American jokes like when one girl was saying she went to San Diego and it rained and I got to say but it never rains in southern California. On this trip Allan has also been making an extra effort with the dinner time conversation. I told him I hadn’t noticed and asked if I should throw out my box of pre prepared conversation starters. They are on standby.

In Florence we found the standard of coffee and gelati dropped significantly but if you head away from the tourist areas you can find something better and cheaper. The pasta was unbelievable though and I had the best gnocchi (pronounced no key if you’re an American tourist) ever. The best coffee in town is found at a café that shares its name with a bad Australian domestic cricketer Scuderi who ended up as captain coach of the Italian national cricket team because he couldn’t get a game in Australia. All over Italy we have found that Italian bread is terrible, it’s either dry and stale or too sweet. It’s a big call but Italian bread is worse then American bread. Italian pizza is also disappointing and worse then most Australian pizza. Just stick to the pasta when coming to Italy – they do gluten free pasta as well! I am keeping a list of hotels that offered gluten free breakfasts for those that are interested. Gluten free in Italy is 100 times better than Australia so keep this in mind if pondering a gluten free holiday. They make some good stuff using corn and potato flour – pretzels and crisp breads in particular.

We visited numerous churches, palazzos and the like in Florence and found most of them weren’t really worth the price of admission. The Uffizi gallery is one of the premier attractions and it was about as interesting as the 1990/91 ashes series (i.e. boring). I am not into art so I rely on other things thing, like an interesting tour guide or decent descriptions of the painting to make it more accessible and interesting. I booked a tour for this very reason but it all went horribly wrong when I cleared the security screening only to lose my ticket when going to the bathroom so that they wouldn’t let me into the gallery. The tour takes off without me, I say goodbye to Allan and so begins the search for my ticket. I can just imagine Phil’s voice in the amazing race saying, “I can’t check you in without that ticket.” I manage to find the ticket on the 3^rd search and catch up with the tour. The guide was German – Italian but had very poor English and she just gave facts about the pictures and didn’t bring them to life. Add the fact that the gallery has far too many people in it and you’re constantly brushing people, the pictures have little/no descriptions and the art not that well presented and you go to the café, get a crap coffee and figure its best to leave. Allan likes art but even he was disappointed.

Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Florence is very central and one can visit many of the towns around the area. I decided to visit Pisa to see the leaning tower. On the train on the way over I started chatting to these 2 guys from Western Australia when this group of FARTS come in and take the seats surrounding me. I wasn’t happy with this invasion of personal space but then they started eating lunch and the oldest and fattest guy sitting in front of me spills his coke all over the floor. He says, “oh darn!” asks his wife for a napkin and here I am thinking he is going to clean up his mess and all he does is wipe his hands. So I sit there in coke for the whole journey. Moving wasn’t an option as the train was full and it was either this or sitting with noisy school kids. The tower itself was good but much smaller then I expected. I was also expecting a bigger lean.

Verona.

 

Verona was my destination for the allocated holiday day off from Allan and this was easily the nicest city I’ve been to in Italy. It is completely tourist friendly, well signed, they speak English in the key areas and it’s flat with all attractions easily accessible. Many people miss Verona in their travels to Italy but anyone that does is missing out. There are numerous pedestrian areas, the sidewalks are wide for a change, the city is clean and doesn’t smell and the locals are not locked away like they are in other cities and frequent the same areas as the tourists. The city is not all that big and doesn’t boast a lot of attractions but the highlights are the teatro roman and the alleged balcony used for the Shakespearean tragedy Romeo and Juliet. Of course it’s probably not what was actually used but someone has made a lot of money out of charging people to see the house and go out on the balcony so they can have their photo taken. There is also a love wall whereby people write messages to their someone special, or the someone special they want to have and hope their wishes will come true. The city is set around the beautiful river Adige and there are some lovely old bridges that cross the river. There are also numerous piazzas, palazzos, churches and a duomo. The difference is that these piazzas and churches look nicer then in the other cities I’ve been. Possibly they are just in better condition or they haven’t yet been overrun by tourist shops and vendors selling illegal items around the edges of the piazzas.

Block Arcade equivalent.

Milan on the other hand was not like any other city in Italy. It’s quite similar to Melbourne and operates more like a German city as people have more of an abruptness about them. There are trams but the city itself isn’t particularly beautiful and doesn’t attract a lot of tourists. The main arcade centered on the beautiful Duomo, which has a gothic feel to it, is very similar to the block arcade but 100 times bigger and very spectacular. All around there are shops and coffee shops and the beautiful Italian department store la Rinascente. Italians take department stores to the next level and in Milan a level above this. One must visit an Italian department store when coming to Italy, and it’s not just because there are clean and free public toilets. A beautiful princess greets (she looks like Queen Myrcella from Game of Thrones) you at the door smiling and at each level a beautiful girl greets you with a Buonasera whilst holding a clipboard that matches her outfit! This is the first recorded clipboard sighting in Italy and it was done with such class. The store has modern dance music instead of the 80s and and has a stunning balcony on the top floor where you can have a coffee and look out on the city. The prices are so expensive though, underwear starts from 150 euros but I’m sure its quality. Probably best not to wear underwear bought at such prices as you might ruin it!

Outside of Block Arcade equivalent.

The first thing that struck me about Milan was that everyone was beautiful. As soon as I got off the train all these immaculately dressed women passed me wearing the perfect outfits. Everyone you see here is immaculately dressed and looks good. Ugly people couldn’t survive here, they are probably shipped off to the south of Italy. There aren’t many tourists here and so the concentration of locals versus tourists is much higher hence you tend to notice this more. Guys dress well also, wearing neat pants and a nice tight shirt and of course a decent sunglasses. Italians love sunglasses. People wear them on the plane because they look so good in them. And they are surprisingly cheap to buy here, cheaper than underwear. One wonders if people wear underwear at all here because it’s so expensive. Milan doesn’t have a lot to see for the tourist besides the duomo and the castello and so the city gears itself up for shopping. We took a tour and the highlight was a private viewing of Leonardo da Vinci’s The Last Supper. It’s a fresco painted on the wall of a church and they only let 25 people in to see it at a time. It’s also very large. Its probably the best piece of art I’ve seen but this may be because I’ve read about it. Milan was the place where we tried to find somewhere to watch Eurovision, in a bar with the locals. However nobody I asked had heard of it and in the end we found a restaurant showing it and Allan and I were the only ones watching it. It was disappointing but then I think many of the entries were as well.

At this stage I like Italy but I do not love it like many others do and could never rate it above any German or French speaking country. It may be the number 2 tourist destination in the world but I struggle being in a place that is just so poorly organized it constantly frustrates me. I look to the positives, the people are genuinely the nicest and friendliest out of all the European countries I’ve been. They are always up for a bit of a chat or joke and are quite blunt which I like. They will help you along if you use your dodgy Italian. I like how they say “perfecto” when you pronounce the word correctly. The coffee is good and I like having it at the bar for 1 euro although sometimes the bar is too high and I need to stand on tip toes. I guess the Italians have raised the bar on coffee. The problem is that they run everything stupidly. There is paperwork for no apparent reason, long queues that could be avoided. They have staff that stand around and do nothing when they should be managing the crowd. The staff at train stations are useless so it’s best to use the computers or research things online before getting there. As you go further north the country becomes more efficient. People’s English gets better and it has more of a German flavor to it. However even though people speak English they exhaust their vocab with you very quickly and the standard is very poor. All foreign TV is dubbed into Italian and even though its fun to watch the A Team, The Cosby Show, The Jeffersons and Walker Texas Ranger in Italian this doesn’t help their English. Italy is indeed stuck in the 80s.